A day's thought

I haven't had cigarette breaks for almost a month. I am very much tempted to, but then I find the smoking area outside our office building very crowded. I am now more conscious of smell I would bring in our little cubicle. I would stink... but I really want to. Maybe I will try a stick tomorrow.

***
I am dieting for almost a week now. I believe I lost about 5 lbs. already. My stomach area is more presentable now. I cannot break this now... I need to be uber sexy for June. I want to weigh 30 lbs less than I weigh now. As if that's possible!

***

I sent an sms apology to G. I just had an epiphany and it seemed like my fingers did the thinking to text her and simply say that I was sorry. I miss her, and huny, and C.

***

I had a chat with my friend last night. I've known him since 2007 from work. He was telling me that he still cannot get over his separation. He found out his wife was cheating, but he still wanted to work things out for them. The wife doesn't want to make amends saying things will never work out. They have 2 kids, and she got them.

***

My other friend just got back from hiding (the one I googled). He is back in the city to work again. Some months ago he suddenly resigned and went back to his hometown, to free himself of the 8-year relationship that he wanted to end. Now he is testing the waters to know if the super ex-girlfriend will still go after him. Not that he doesn't care, he just wants her to move on so he can truly call himself free.

***

Sadness is from the heart, but it doesn't mean that you have to rip and throw your heart out to get it out of you. When the heart is pure, it doesn't mean it is empty. The heart feels what is real. The minds says what is.

www.google.com

I have this habit of googling people's names.

Sometimes the web shows a very interesting list of information about common people and its a fancy that you get to know things that you don't normally expect to.

Tonight I googled my new friend's name. Some interesting links came out and I read this letter that his ex was trying to pass through to him. She has posted the letter to various websites, even creating an individual blogger page solely to house that call.

Suddenly I got sad. She was very keen to reach him in a creative way. I was thinking she tried all means to. She must've loved him that much to even come up with that idea.

But then he told me some stuff about the girl and some serious stuff about himself to.

A relationship ends, and just like any other situation, would be for a reason. I am wishing that both of them would be okay. Whatever okay should mean for them.

Googling shit is scary, but I will still google people specially those I want to stalk. Haha.

A lot of getting used to

I cried hard. For me to cry that hard would mean I was either so hurt or so lonely.

I felt a mix of both betrayal and loneliness.

For several weeks now that I have left and moved to a new place, I have been trying to catch up with the friends I left. I was missing them, terribly, missing pretty much everything there. But the feeling that I feared feeling again came up. The dilemma that leaving people would make them forget me. That not being with the friends I normally get to spend a lot of my time with will make them exclude me from the normalcy I was once very comfortable with.

I know it is petty that I cried over some shit. I mean, G's my friend and I owe her the understanding that it was a promise she made. I am not mad at her for not telling me, I just got sad that I am faced with that dilemma again. Over the years those things do happen to me and everytime it happens, it never fails to bring the worst out of me.

But this time, I realized I am lonely because I have a problem of letting go. I have always found moving on very hard, that even if the choice was mine, I still couldn't be more helpful for myself to settle down with the choices I made. I am in a new environment and I am like a fish trying to live on land. I miss the sea, I miss the water, I miss the place where I once moved freely. But I brought my fish self to land, to live and fend for myself knowing that this is where I will be doing much better. There are no fish I could be with, and I am struggling to fit in the world I have lived before.

I really never liked this feeling, of being alone and starting over, but this is something I have got to get used to. Settle with the choice. Strive to survive. Make new friends and continue loving all the friends I have and will soon have.

I am sorry G. It's never you fault. I love you.

Challenged

I am still struggling to come up with a good start. I still do not understand what I should do.

I am stuck because I am clueless.

But tonight I am researching! I will study and deliver.

I have to get this started!!!!!

I need to do a cost manual!

Be careful what you wish for...

You just might get it!

I just had my wish come true today. I am going to do the job I asked for.

I am naturally happy. The four-year wait is finally over.

But why am I so nervous now?

I think I have been given much more than I asked for. I wished to learn first, but I was given the task of learning while delivering at the same time.

I just got hired last month and started working for the Company two weeks ago. I was initially hired to supervise a group that performs the job I that I am exposed to for five years. My boss was quite reluctant to place me in decision-making (the one I am asking for) for the reason that the industry is totally alien to me. So she gave me an offer to do the job I am confident doing, telling me that I will be rotated as soon as I understand how the Company and the industry works. Given an unexpected sum, I took the job based on my expectation that learning would be developed one step at a time.

Now I am faced with the dilema. My boss played fairy godmother this afternoon letting me know that my wish has just been granted. But I do not have any time to spare. I have to act really fast, learning and delivering at the same time. I am faced with a great challenge to prove that I can make this for myself. That I am competent. That I can do things I can be really proud of. That I am becoming what I want myself to be!

I made a wish and it came true. I wished too hard for this, and how everything fell into place seems too good to be true. I am scared but I have to do what I have to. I wished for it. I wished and now I am thankful.

I just wish the same will be for my friends with respect to their careers. I wish they will realize what they really want then set their aim for that.

....and now I also wish my husband can find the job that he is wishing for himself.

Wish!

On the clothes we you wear...

Beautiful clothes doesn't have to be pricey, but it never meant they have to look cheap.

Buy clothes that can be mixed and matched with your other clothes and/or possible clothes you buy (this would also apply to shoes and accessories you and would possibly have).

Fabric is the soul of clothes. It dictates how people would look at you and how you will look at them. Tastefully selected fabric exudes confidence for the one wearing them. It can make or break the outfit the same way as a badly executed design does.

Incorporate a signature look that would make people identify you as "The one with ...." (Killer heels, belts, skirts, anything that you are comfortable being identified with). Think Barney Stintson and suits. Alexa Chung and necklaces. Dita Von Teese and pin-up. Samantha Jones in flashy clothes.

Being under-dressed would THE sin! Dress appropriately though.

For ladies on the go, be sure that you dress up and be prepared for unexpected happenings during the day. Dress yourself in a flexible way that in an event someone asks you out, or your bff's would instantly want to stay out, you are so ready! Also, bring something extra to add oomph to your clothes in cases you need more of it. It may be a scarf, additional accessories or a jacket.

Dress to impress and dress the position that you would want to be in sooner or later. Feel it, and it will come to you.

Not all fashion trends will be good for you. Always know what fits you.

Know your body. Identify your proportions. Learn what suits you.

Fashion over comfort? This is never always right, but at times, it's worth giving a try.

Super Charm

I never realized how pretty Super Charm is until an event last week.
If I were a guy, I would really pursue her. I super like the way she talks, the way she carries herself, her eyes when she stares at you and of course, her intelligence.

Nice package talaga. Plus she's well off pa (does that matter?).

She is really really nice. Super adorable. Known her since college but it is just that time that I saw how beautiful she really is.

I can now understand why Superman left another pretty face for her. I know they've broken up now, but I hope he did not leave her for another. I can wish I could be like her. Just imagine there are two of them on earth!

I just don't like the way she dresses at times. There are occasions that she is baduy. But hey, she's a charm, a darling, a star!!!

Can't wait to see her again.

I think I am in love.

[6 March] Naughty or nice and a sad surprise

Naughty or nice.

We were in Prince Plaza’s function room last night for O’s surprise bridal shower. It was one hell of a surprise as our bunch included girls from the Firm and her workmates in the Airline. It was an unprecedented collaboration between these two groups who also contacted me to join them. The place was big enough to hold the fourteen of us. Literally, pwedeng tumambling! For P3,500 (booking made by resident), it was worth the 5 hours of it! [Add P2,000 for the pool area].

O’s surprise was a success. To make up for the stripper-deficit, Hamy (her husband), played gigolo for his bride. There was no piece to cover her eyes I just covered them with my hands as the number played on. The rest of the girls were screaming as she had no idea, she was screaming herself. I just don’t know if she felt relief when she found out that the gentle strokes were from Hamy and not from a paid man.

A number of popsicles, bananas, toilet papers, and condoms later, O received her gifts both naughty and nice. It’s now time to keep her feather wrap and her crown for the night. We waited for J and we gave her a lift home.


The sad surprise.

As J and I pulls up to our parking space, I received an sms from my cousin telling me that Tito E passed away. Tears gushed in an instant. He was not even sick. The reason was unknown. My cousin was thinking he was killed or something. I was the bearer of bad news to my parents when I called them right after I received the message at 12:40 A.M. They were already sleeping then, and my dad couldn’t really believe what happened.

Tito E works in a shipping vessel for the longest that I can remember. It was that job that sent my cousins to finish school. He is my mom’s brother-in-law and grew very close to my dad, perhaps because they shared a common experience working as cargo vessel crews. He is a very cheerful person. I can just recall how he calls me ‘Sha’ when we see each other during visits. I can say he is my favorite Tito because his personality just fits mine, it was never stressful around him.

I feel for Tita E, they seemed to be a very jolly couple. Their married life may not have been perfect as they had a lot of time apart because of his job. Even true would be for my two cousins who had most parts of their life apart from their father. It is such a sad thought, but they had to embrace it and even if they got used to it, it never was okay.

Just weeks before, I had a lot of moments chatting with L in FB, Tito E’s eldest. She was telling me she is now working night shifts as a nurse in a manufacturing company. She wanted to find a regular hour job that would have time and means to provide for her daughter. I remember her wall post, where she wished her dad can just quit his job in the ship so they could always be together. It was a thought we never knew would end badly.

The last time I saw Tito E was during our wedding three months back. I was fortunate enough to introduce him to the rest of our guests when I called him and Tita E to participate in a game. They gave us all a nice time during that. For our guests, he will always be remembered as the couple who did the ‘accountant’ portion in Pinoy Henyo. For me, he will always be remembered as my most cheerful Tito ever.
My sentiments are with his family on this very tough time. I also wish that he did not die a painful death.

How to kiss FB goodbye

I haven't FB'ed for 3 days now and I am kinda feeling so left out on what is going on with the people I know. Networking sites being blocked in the office is pitiful enough, but not having access to the internet is much more. Not that I won't have any access at all, but I am hoping I can get aproval. It sucks, big time!

So, to embrace that I would have to kiss FB goodbye (well at least for the moment that I haven't arranged broadband connection at home), I thought I can rekindle my relationship with blogging. As I can remember, I have made at least 5 futile attempts to come up with interesting blogs since 2005. All I have deleted, one after the other, because everytime they reached a certain number of entries, I would suddenly realize how sick the contents were. I had one which solely told office gossips (The Washingtonienne as the inspiration), another had purely hate thoughts about anybody, the rest well, equally uninteresting. The decision to delete all the entries could have probably meant a change in the state of mind. A lot of entries were admittedly offensive, yet even if full anonymity was kept, I still got conscientious that I shouldn't been speaking badly of other people.

CHOS!!!

Probably I won't change, that I will continue to talk about juicy stuff, continue to hate, and become even more uninteresting. Whatever I have written before was only read by a few people anyway. Those who have read them had already seen and heard much more malice. Blame the observant in me.

So yes, I am blogging for the current reason that I couldn't FB.

[4 March] Getting used to

No internet in the office today! Boo!

Spent lunch and snacks with the MT's again today (and possibly almost everyday from now on). It's starting to creep now when they say 'po' to me. It makes me feel like a hundred years old! Some of the people there also add Miss or Ma'am before my name. I want to know if it's a form of respect that I am with a position or if they think that I am old to start with.

I don't want to feel old.

I just want to mature.

___________

I think about Dell's.

During my stint in the Bank, I reserve the liberty of eating there only on occasions when I am TOO (the operative word) lazy to walk. Being here now, I guess, has left me without any choice but to eat at similar places like Dell's.

*The guys I spend meals with eat in those places.

*We cannot eat on our work areas.

*Very limited lunch time. By the dot!

*Very small and cramped pantry. You literally have to wait before you can have a seat.

*The area has but a very few choices.

Sooner or later I would have to get used to this. Boo!

___________

I may have to put aside whining about how my new office looks and how much grander the Bank office is. I am embracing a new period in my life where it does not have to matter if I am using a CRT monitor or if I walk on vinyl floors.

[I just said I have to stop.]

I like this place for this will change much in me.

Maybe I will learn to be a lot simpler.

One thing for sure is...I am starting to learn how to wake up early!

www.chuvaness.com

Today is [internet] chuvaness day!

Literally, I have been reading her posts for the whole day from 9am up to 6:30 pm. There is no work for me to do yet and I still don't know what I will be tasked to do (hopefully I will know tomorrow). Goodthing one of my officemates logged me so I can surf and whilst facebook is blocked, I found solace in chuvaness.

I am wondering why I didn't follow her long before.

I will now!

Specific things of interest from the blog:

1. Thought of 'bagteria'

• I think this only refers to the expensive bags. I was never conscious because I only have the cheap ones)

2. Give up facebook during Lent.

• It's a new thought ha. Aside from fasting that was something I never thought about. I was keen on trying to give up smoking, but I guess I shouldn't talk the talk. I won't give up anything, even meat. Does that make me a sinner?

3. Karl Lagerfield on Alexander McQueen's death

"Who knows, perhaps after flirting with death too often, death attracts
you."

4. Pepper Lunch.

• Very much advertised by her (the van Straten's holding the Philippine franchise). I walked upon the resto in GB and it gave me a fancy. I will be trying this next week.

5. Checks vs. plaid

• While reading her entry on Daul Kim (r.i.p.), I asked myself what is actually the difference between checks and plaid? Based on my understanding they are different. Checks most commonly have plain squares (race car flag or picnic mats) as prints while plaid has vertical and horizontal intersecting lines on top of the squares (think Burberry or Scottish quilts). Correct ba? I didn't do much research!

I am really thankful I found access to the net.

Now, back to chuvaness!!! I still have time to kill.

Quick quick!

I am surfing in the office! Hurrah!

But can't last long.

Just thankful that today won't be a dead ringer of yesterday.

Phew!

First Day Funk

Yipee! I am back working again. Location is a bit far, outside environment less crowded, office less grand, but I am glad that the work I have to do is the one I asked for (not to mention the pay is much much higher).

I am blessed.

So I started with my new company yesterday. Still getting the hang of the new people, a totally different crowd. I am not doing anything yet, well except literally devising ways to kill time. [Reading the annual report, Bejeweled, texting, scanning through product descriptions, Textwist, text, Bejeweled, Bejeweled, need I say more Bejeweled??]

Moving to a local company is quite and adjustment. I just began appreciating the luxury of a wide workspace, ergonomic seats, better technology, carpeted floors, unlimited toilet paper! But even if my new office is not as wonderful as the Bank, it still offers a different feeling. Still haven't done a thing, but I am looking at the opportunities.... clearer than a summer morning!